Elohim and Tuesdays

Tuesday, November 21, 2006. Not an uncommon day. Two days before Thanksgiving, one year ago. I had just gotten out of school for the holidays and was at home alone. I'm sure that most people were thinking about family they were going to see, games they would watch on TV, activities they could do with friends after the family part of the break was over.

As for me, I was considering the different ways to commit suicide.

It was strange finding myself thinking about it. Looking back now I realize that I am way too analytical to get myself into that situation. I think too long about the consequences or how hard it would be to accomplish and I talk myself out of it. But at the time I couldn't find a way to turn.

And then God brought me back. He led me back to Himself and, as I fell prostrate before Him, He gently lifted me into His arms and whispered words of love. Without Him I would not be here today.

I read this poem in a book by Bryan Davis called "Eye of the Oracle." I would recommend it to anyone that is a Christ-follower and likes stories with Biblical meanings in them. It's beautiful and speaks of God's love for all of us and how, even though the world seems to be ending, God is still there to bless and comfort and love all of us.

In days gone by the water fell
And draped the world in silent death;
A rain of judgment drowned the eart
Demanding life and snatching breath.

But now the raindrops fall afresh
On hearts rejecting hate and sin,
In blessings crowned with love and grace
To heal the wounds of soul and skin.

The one who loves is Elohim,
Rejoicing now in song and dance;
I shout for you to come and play,
Enjoying love, the great romance.

So dance, my child, and feel my love
In rain, the healing drops of life.
Forsake your cares, your toils and pain,
The wounds and scars of slavish strife.

O cast aside the chains of grief
And reach for heaven's grace above;
Sapphira Adi, dance with me!
Enfold yourself in arms of love.

It was so beautiful the first time I read it that I had to read it again. Later in the book the same song is sung to Elam, a boy that has been led astray but is searching for truth. It was so wonderful the way that it says, although trials have happened and are happening, God is in it all.

I just finished a book called "Elsewhere" by Gabrielle Zevin. It shared a very interesting and somewhat confusing fantasy of life after death. A girl named Liz has just died at age 15 and gone to a place called Elsewhere, where everyone grows younger every year until they are babies and are reborn into Earth. Liz hates it at first, but later, when she's about 14, falls in love with Owen, who died when he was 26 and is now 17. The whole story is bittersweet in that they have only a few years to really enjoy a relationship. The plot jumps from age 14 to age 9, when, apparently, they're still going out, then jumps again to age 4, when the two seem to be good friends. Then Liz is reborn and Owen, a two-year-old, has this innocence of he's lost a dear friend, but doesn't understand that they may never see each other again. He just knows that she's gone.

I'm not sure where I was going with this. It just really made me think about life and death and purpose again. Liz had fifteen years in Elsewhere to fulfill her purpose and, though she did eventually, it seemed so short. I'm 16 and I have (hopefully) over 50 years ahead of me. How can I use those years to do what God wants me to do and feel satisfied? Why does it seem that life takes so long at some times and then I can't hold onto it long enough?

Then there's the concept of eternity. I don't even try to comprehend it. We will forever serve the Maker of the universe, our Abba, our Savior, our Lord and King. We will never die, only worship. How long is eternity?

You see why I couldn't commit suicide even if I wanted to. With thoughts like these swirling in my head, how can I ever wish to end something so precious that God has given to me? At least I should obey His will and wait until He takes me home. Otherwise, life is pointless.