How is it possible to fear the future yet embrace it at the same time? I'm so ready to be out of high school and have this freedom to really define myself and start my life. But then I realize that when I leave, my friends can't come with me, at least not all of them. The more that life keeps moving, the more people move away.
I remember Brooks' note called Love like a River and how life has to keep flowing. That's how God made it. Then I think of the concept of eternity. Why do we mourn and have fear when we know that we'll see these people again after we die, and then we'll never be apart? I guess our minds can't fully comprehend the difference between now and forever, so we hurt. We cry. We hold our friends close to us and tell them never to go.
I'm really going to miss all the seniors that are leaving this year. Wednesday nights and chamber music classes are going to feel so...empty. The people that it's taken time for me to go close to are leaving, and I have to start over. It scares me to think of all the juniors that are graduating next year. How many of us will be left? How many more friends will I have to make before I leave them behind, too?
Why couldn't we just be born in heaven, where there's perfect love and community?
Why do we have to wait?
And why is it so hard to wait?
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Mr. Right
So this Sunday we did a talk on purity and I decided to tell God what I wanted in a guy. What started as bullet points turned into long detailed descriptions, and I came up with eight that I felt were really important. They're not in any particular order, except for number one. Let me know what you think and if I'm missing anything. (I wrote this at 10:00 Sunday night, so I was kinda tired!)
1) He's a strong Christian. He loves God more than anything, even me. He has a relationship with God. His faith doesn't waver, even when his life or someone else's is on the line. He reads God's Word a lot and applies it to his life. He has a close network of Christian friends. He lives like a true follower: reaching out to the needy, witnessing, staying pure, and encouraging other believers. He sets a good example. God's light shines through him. In short, he is filled with the Spirit and it shows.
2) He's pure. He hasn't given himself away to anyone yet. (Or if he has, then he's changed radically.) He doesn't put himself in tempting situations. He respects me as well as other women. He doesn't push my boundaries. He saves affectionate gestures so we don't go further than we need to.
3) He's my lover but also my closest friend. There's a healthy balance of romance and fun friendship. We got to know each other well before we started dating (or at least before our first kiss). We can go out with friends and feel comfortable. He makes me laugh. He'll cuddle with me on the couch. We have a close relationship that won't be broken easily.
4) He appreciates music. He doesn't have to play an instrument or sing well, but has to understand my love for music and respect that.
5) He's intelligent. I'm not being arrogant when I say this. I want to be able to discuss things with him and have us both understand each other.
6) He'll dance with me, even if it's just swaying to a slow song.
7) I want to learn from him. I want him to challenge me and start discussions that might give me new perspectives on things. He'll make me try new things. We'll share experiences with each other and become closer because of them.
8) He loves me inside and out. I'm not a prize or a plaything. He sees God's Spirit in me and thinks that's just as beautiful, even more beautiful, than my body. He won't stop loving me because my outside changes, and he won't try to restrain my passion for life. He loves me as I am.
That's basically it. Later I thought about wanting kids, but that's not so important, because kids are God's decision, not mine. And money and looks are just pluses, not requirements. I've been thinking about posting this on facebook. What do you think?
1) He's a strong Christian. He loves God more than anything, even me. He has a relationship with God. His faith doesn't waver, even when his life or someone else's is on the line. He reads God's Word a lot and applies it to his life. He has a close network of Christian friends. He lives like a true follower: reaching out to the needy, witnessing, staying pure, and encouraging other believers. He sets a good example. God's light shines through him. In short, he is filled with the Spirit and it shows.
2) He's pure. He hasn't given himself away to anyone yet. (Or if he has, then he's changed radically.) He doesn't put himself in tempting situations. He respects me as well as other women. He doesn't push my boundaries. He saves affectionate gestures so we don't go further than we need to.
3) He's my lover but also my closest friend. There's a healthy balance of romance and fun friendship. We got to know each other well before we started dating (or at least before our first kiss). We can go out with friends and feel comfortable. He makes me laugh. He'll cuddle with me on the couch. We have a close relationship that won't be broken easily.
4) He appreciates music. He doesn't have to play an instrument or sing well, but has to understand my love for music and respect that.
5) He's intelligent. I'm not being arrogant when I say this. I want to be able to discuss things with him and have us both understand each other.
6) He'll dance with me, even if it's just swaying to a slow song.
7) I want to learn from him. I want him to challenge me and start discussions that might give me new perspectives on things. He'll make me try new things. We'll share experiences with each other and become closer because of them.
8) He loves me inside and out. I'm not a prize or a plaything. He sees God's Spirit in me and thinks that's just as beautiful, even more beautiful, than my body. He won't stop loving me because my outside changes, and he won't try to restrain my passion for life. He loves me as I am.
That's basically it. Later I thought about wanting kids, but that's not so important, because kids are God's decision, not mine. And money and looks are just pluses, not requirements. I've been thinking about posting this on facebook. What do you think?
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